I don’t know if anyone will actually read this, but I hope so...

I am a feminist who is also a Sugar Baby. I am a plus size woman who is a member of the LGBTQIA community, and an advocate for women’s rights and body positivity.

I think that calling anyone a “bad feminist” is problematic, because that insinuates that feminism means the same thing to everyone, that all feminists are as educated as others and that you need to succumb to societal expectations and boundaries of what a good feminist should be.

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Secondly, the SD/SB world is what you want it to be. If you are desperate for cash and throwing all of your morals and ethics out the window to sleep with anyone for some money to get your hair done, you will most likely have a negative experience. If you make your boundaries, wants, and needs explicit, demand respect, and take the proper precautions to keep yourself mentally and physically safe, you will get a lot more out of it.

Also, to address the sexual aspect...

It is okay to have any type of sexual relationship you enjoy and that fulfills you and still be a feminist. Period. (just keep it consentual)

Keep in mind, as well, that many Sugar relationships don’t even entail sex at all. Some entail extremely enjoyable sex that both parties consent to. The arrangements that are unhealthy and non-consentual are not encouraged and are not the norm for SD/SB relationships.

There are a lot of overlaps between the Fetish world and the Sugar world, because of the power play aspect that is present for some arrangements. Some call their Sugar Daddies names and degrade them on their profiles or in real life because there is a community of men seeking domination with no sex involved (dominatrix/master or mistress). This is appealing to many Sugar Babies, because they can easily provide their SD with what he likes/needs/wants and still benefit monetarily.

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There are some malicious and entitled Sugar Babies out there, though and definitely some Sugar Daddies that treat you like a piece of property, but you do not have to be involved with such people. There are so many signs of bad arrangements and most sites offer tips and tricks to avoid those situations. I would also advise anyone (feminist or not) to do their research into this world prior to entering if they want to get the most of their experience and avoid trouble.

On a more personal note, I would like to mention that many if not the majority of Sugar Babies actually are full time students who have jobs and genuinely need financial assistance that the government is not willing to provide in order to get an education and become successful in their chosen field. I, myself, actually attend school full time, I have two jobs, and an internship on top of Sugaring. Like many of the wealthy Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies who are successful in their lines of work, I have little time for the emotion and drama of a traditional relationship. However, I still crave affection at times like anyone else. The way I see it, I could have a boyfriend and take the chance of things ending badly and being left with less than I entered the relationship with, or I could Sugar and know for certain that when the arrangement ends I have something (money, or insight) to show for it.

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For those who are being intimate with their Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mommy...

There is an episode of the Maury show in which a teenage girl has sex in exchange for a cheeseburger.

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Comedian, Morgan Murphy, makes this girl’s story into a bit, saying to her audience, “I wish I had a reason as good as a cheeseburger for like half the guys I’ve had sex with. Shes a genius! Shes like a prodigy or something. Honestly, if you guys are about to go home tonight and you’re about to have sex...I don’t care how close it gets to going in. Seriously, ask yourself, am I at least getting a cheeseburger out of this situation?”

Murphy is a successful comic and I look up to her a great deal. I acknowledge that she was not intending for anyone to make the connection I am making from what she said, but I think it should make both men and women think about what we want out of our personal relationships.

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How many times have you been in a relationship that was mentally and emotionally unfulfilling and exhausting, that interrupted your focus on work or school or made you feel like you were out of control? How many times have you felt taken advantage of by a partner? How many times has a relationship ended and you have taken a mental tally of all the hours and dollars spent on this person that you will never see again?

I use Sugaring to combat what society and our culture deem acceptable in traditional romantic relationships. What do you use it for? How do you feel about it?